How to Feel Like You Have Skills When You Don't

I had some moonflower seeds I wanted to plant.  The idea of fragrant vines that bloom at night seemed kind of romantic (not that I believe in romance), so I bought a packet of seeds with no idea how to plant or grow anything, nor any idea where I'd put them.

via

I thought I'd just shove them in some dirt in a pot and see what happens, but thought better of it and read the directions.  As with most things, I skimmed the directions instead of actually processing them, so this is how it went:

Oh...I have to soak these seeds overnight.  Okay, I can do that.

Oh...I've soaked them overnight, and now I have to plant them a foot apart.  Okay, I guess I'd better find a bigger pot.

Oh...I don't feel like leaving the house and going to Home Depot, and I don't think I can leave these seeds in water for another day.  Okay, so I guess I'd better find something I've already got here that I can plant them in.

I figured I'd start in the garage, which is nearly empty, by the way, to see what I could find.

EUREKA!

I had this cabinet I had knocked off the wall of the laundry room because it was too small to store anything in.  It sat outside for nearly a year and hadn't disintegrated, so I figured it would make a good planter.  What luck!

It already had holes in the back of it, which would be the bottom of the planter, which would allow water to drain out of it.

I pried the door off with a crowbar, laid it down, filled it with dirt, laid out my seeds, covered them with 1/2" of dirt, and voila! Planter!

And that, my friends, is how to feel like you have skills without actually having any.

Comfort

As soon as I declared a break from blogging, I found all sorts of things I was compelled to write about.   So, I guess when I say, "I'm taking a break from blogging," what I mean is, "I'm going to take a break from writing about house projects and my favorite things, and I'm gonna get all introspective and write about my feelings instead."  It's all very, "dear Diary," isn't it?  But anyways, it's my blog, so I can decide how I want to define a break, I guess.

So this leads me to tell you that I've been thinking a lot about comfort lately.

I am all about comfort.  I like to be comfortable at all times, and God help the people around me if I'm not.  I keep a sweater at work for when the A/C is too cold, and a folded fan in my purse in case I get too warm.  I keep spare flip flops in the car in case my shoes are rubbing.  I bought the softest bed sheets I could find so that I am comfortable in my sleep.  I have my favorite comfort foods - when I'm sick or tired or stressed, homemade mac and cheese or chicken and dumplings are a welcome relief.  Everything in my house is at a height where I can reach it...comfortably.

Comfort is both active and passive, a verb and a noun, a force from without as well as the perception of internal and external conditions.

Isaiah 40:1 "'Comfort, O comfort, My people,' says your God.

After writing all night the night before, I'm not sure who needed the snuggle in the photo above more, me or Pooja, who was clearly feeling neglected.  She was abandoned a few years ago by the neighbors who lived behind me at my last residence, and so this hungry, needy ragamuffin of a cat became mine.  She showed up when I was grieving the death of a loved one, and her unusual need to be held and her ready purr made her a significant comfort in a time of mourning.  Symbiosis is the best descriptor of our human-cat relationship; nearly three years later, we always seem to need each other at the same time.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

Indeed, I did find comfort in that hotel bed on vacation in South Lake Tahoe.  I slept like a corpse most nights, worn out from weeks of little sleep and much stress.  Clean sheets, fluffy pillows, and soft blankets sure can comfort a person from the outside in.

2 Corinthians 13:11, "Finally, brethren, rejoice, be made complete, be comforted, be like-minded, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you."

My favorite Jeffrey Campbell wedges, no longer available in red, but can be purchased in other colors here.  They are unbelievably comfortable (once I broke them in - it only took a couple of wears).  I wear them with jeans and dresses, and they always make me feel a little retro, and a lot sassy.  I'm wearing them right now, in fact.  Could I hike a mountain in them? No.  But they certainly feel as good at the end of a long day of work as they did in the morning.  The soft suede upper and cushioned footbed sort of mold to the feet - like Birkenstocks, but cuter.

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17, "Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who has loved us and given us eternal comfort and good hope by grace, comfort and strengthen your hearts in every good work and word."

My truest comfort, though, is God's sweet word, full of promises for comfort, hope, peace, grace, strength, love, and so much more for those who have put their trust in Him.  His is a comfort that goes beyond the physical and sets a tender Hand to the wounds of the heart.

Where's your comfort?

The Mountains are Dancing

Gosh, I say I'm going on break from blogging, but naturally, I've found something else to post.  Vacation pictures, obviously.  I really am taking a break from blogging, though.

I spent about five days in South Lake Tahoe a few weeks ago, and it was great.  My friend and I did little else but sleep, eat, watch DVDs, eat, sleep, eat, watch the news, eat, and sleep.  We watched season 1 of Covert Affairs, and then ordered the DVD of season 2 to be delivered to the hotel the next day.  Amazon Prime, baby.

We did go outside a few times, though.  We chose to go at a great time of year.  The weather was glorious, sunny and clear, not too hot or too cold.  It's off-season, so there weren't many people around.  It was quiet and peaceful.  It was a balm to a weary heart, mind, soul, and body.

I highly recommend visiting Tahoe in Spring.  It's amazing how saturated the colors are up there in the mountains during this time of year.  It was dazzling.  Looking at my photos, I'm reminded of a poem by ee cummings, the weirdest poet probably ever.  But I love this one:

when faces called flowers float out of the ground

and breathing is wishing and wishing is having-

but keeping is downward and doubting and never

-it's april(yes,april;my darling)it's spring!

yes the pretty birds frolic as spry as can fly

yes the little fish gambol as glad as can be

(yes the mountains are dancing together)

when every leaf opens without any sound

and wishing is having and having is giving-

but keeping is doting and nothing and nonsense

-alive;we're alive,dear:it's(kiss me now)spring!

now the pretty birds hover so she and so he

now the little fish quiver so you and so i

(now the mountains are dancing, the mountains)

when more than was lost has been found has been found

and having is giving and giving is living-

but keeping is darkness and winter and cringing

-it's spring(all our night becomes day)o,it's spring!

all the pretty birds dive to the heart of the sky

all the little fish climb through the mind of the sea

(all the mountains are dancing;are dancing)

 

It's good to be home, but it was good to get away for a bit, and feel the sun on my face and have nowhere I had to be.

(Poem published here without permission, via this source, which probably also published without permission, just sayin')

Withered and Parched, revisited

I discovered recently that my most-viewed post of all time is one I wrote in 2008, called "Withered and Parched." I thought it was interesting that such a sober topic would fetch so many views, and I'm still not sure why it did, but I hope it ministered to the people who read it.

I'm still on break from blogging, but I thought of that post recently and thought that parts of it (in bold) might be worth re-posting.  Five years later, I find myself in a similar place, and am blessed to be reminded of God's faithfulness during that time, and look forward to seeing His faithfulness now.

Isaiah 58:11, "And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail." 

It was a verse that was preached during a church service the night before.  It completely met me where I was at, heartsick and weary, and its promise of renewal began a season of healing.

Here's what I said about it then:

Here are some definitions of scorched, according to Dictionary.com

1. To wither or parch with intense heat.
2. To destroy (land and buildings) by or as if by fire so as to leave nothing salvageable to an enemy army

...In the heat of trial's fire, I've at times suffered the devastating loss of hope, and it has left me withered and parched. Sometimes I wonder how I even got out the door and carried on through my day. I often feel destroyed and un-salvageable, like the ruins of an ancient city that have nothing to offer but an example of the desolation and emptiness of failure and a display of damage for tourists to take pictures in front of.

But!

...Not only is the Lord guiding me through these trials, but He Himself will satisfy my desires and replace all that I lost with more of Himself. He'll strengthen what's weak in me. He'll revive me with His unfailing spring of living water.

What a fantastic promise! Despite my brokenness, I can cling to the knowledge that this scorched place will become a watered garden. This desert of disappointment will be a paradise of God's grace--to God be the glory!

It's amazing how His promises hold true, no matter the trial, no matter the number of years since you last clung to it.  I hope this encourages you, reader, whoever you are.  If you don't know the Lord whose promise is found in that verse, turn to Him and ask Him to heal you; His strength is perfect, His love is unending, and His goodness is a bottomless fountain.

A Break is in Order

I love writing for this blog.  It's my little creative outlet, where I take a break from writing about buses and maintenance and dispatching, to write about things I actually care about, like curtains and playing the banjo and cooking.  And it gives me so much delight to know that my friends (and even a few friends-I've-never-met) follow along with me, even if my blog isn't the most exciting thing ever, and is really just a public diary of my strange life.

I've spent the last six or so months really trying to make this blog something that's fun to read, and was really gearing up to make it better than ever.  But it takes work.  And right now, I'm burned out.  Like, really, seriously, unbelievably burned out.  I've been cranking out proposals like nobody's business, performing, planning future performances, auditioning, all while dealing with some painful personal trials.  I mean, you know, life happens, and trials come, but God has a plan for them, He's promised me in His word.  However, it's hard to be creative and funny when you're being held together with only God's grace and a few hours of sleep, so this blog suffers...as evidenced by my last couple of posts.

It's become clear that I need to scale back in all areas of my life for awhile, and to seek a season of rest and recovery.  This means I need to say "so long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, goodbye" to my sweet little blog for an indeterminate length of time.  Hopefully not long.  My hope is, that when I return, I will be full of vigor and creativity and lots of material to write from.  And that you'll all be there when I get back.

Thanks for being a part of my Grown Up Life.

Bedroom Textiles: Curtains, at Last

It's finally happened.

After several months of gold brocadecurtains that do not coordinate with my bedroom decor in the slightest, and that cast a weird gold shadow over my cool-toned grey walls (but were awesome at blocking out the light until I found the right fabric), I have new curtains.

Wanna see?

They aren't hanging quite right because they're a little super too long, so they are puddling on the floor.  I'm going to raise the curtain rod, which will take care of that.  

This is a quick, blurry iPhone snapshot I took to send to mom so she could see her handiwork in place, since she sewed these for me (because she is the best mother EVER).  By the way, the curtains being too long is totally my fault.  I gave mom some crazy measurements.  Crazy is how I roll.

Also, I didn't "style" my dresser before taking this photo, but I'm no stylist, and I'm keeping it real here anyway.  You can see my necklace hooks in between the windows.  They are curtain tie backs that came with my living room curtain rods, but I didn't want to use them for that, so I kept them for future use, and it's a good thing, because my necklace collection was getting out of control, and the tie backs made great hooks to hang them from.

I need to stop buying necklaces.

Anyway, I really love this fabric from L&S Fabrics.  It's nice and thick and lets just enough light in, but not too much.  I found it as a result of multiple rounds of swatch ordering, which was totally worth it.  It only took me nearly 6 months to buy the fabric...but it was worth the wait.  And it's a good thing I ordered it when I did, because now it looks like it's not available anymore.  PHEW!  Unless you wanted to order some, then, BOOH!  I'm sure it will come back, though.

Gone Fishin'

Oh please, like I fish.  But I have left town in a hurry...not on the lam, on vacation!

Vacation! 

What a beautiful word.

I have the rare pleasure and delight of staying in a beautiful hotel suite in a gorgeous and remote location with one of my dearest friends...for a whole week.

No work.

No stress.

Just sweet, sweet sleep, relaxation, good  food, fresh air, movies, and making fun of people on TV.

After the last six months of work and life stress, this lady needs a break.

So...no posts this week, unless I feel inspired to gloat, which I might.

XOXO

Shannon